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2 years ago

I miss him a lot. I miss talking to him. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Someone said just to message him but I’m afraid he’ll be pissed. I’m afraid he won’t say anything.

I just really want to ask him things. I feel like if I do and she’s around he won’t give me truthful answers. I don’t know if he would anyway because I would probably tell her. I just want the truth. 

I wish I could text him right now. She said he’s playing video games. I think I would text him if I knew she wouldn’t get pissed. She would. She hated when he would text me because…well…I don’t know why. He ignored her, maybe? Maybe she asked him what we were talking about a lot and it pissed her off. She’s probably told me but I don’t remember.

I’ve forgotten a lot of things that happened. I don’t know why. I’m normally not this bad with my memory. Maybe I just want to push it back.

I should.

What I do remember, I replay in my head all the time. I can’t help it. What am I supposed to do? No clue.

I don’t want to reread these posts, but I do. The memories will never fully go away and so I’m constantly thinking about everything that happened.

She put the pictures up of the wedding on Facebook and tagged me in them today. It sucks. It reminds me of everything. I know it reminds her and him as well. I don’t completely know how they feel about it though. I mean, she seems happy with them. Is she pushing what happened aside? He doesn’t talk to me so I don’t know about him.

We’re all friends on Facebook. 

He used to like my statuses and pictures of my daughter. He doesn’t like anything anymore.

He used to say that he loved my daughter and she was so cute and everything and now he says absolutely nothing. That hurts. I want him and her to be apart of my baby’s life. I feel like he’s stopped caring about her because of everything. She doesn’t deserve that. He held her at the reception and he was so happy…so fucking happy and now it’s like that never even mattered.

It kills me to think about.

I just need to ask him questions. I need to fucking know.

This is tearing me apart.